Not sure I ever shared this with any of you, but this is the reason I smile. Maybe I should say these are some of the reasons I smile. They are beautiful and smart. They light up the room when they walk in!

Results of the Five-hour Forty-minute Exam.

With Christmas Day over I actually had a few minutes to breathe.  In my quest to breathe a more stressless breath I thought about the exam I took on the 18th of December.  I wondered if I had passed because I hadn't heard, but then again it had only been 8 days since I took the test.  I logged into the AAPC site.  Meagan was sitting a few feet away from me and Sarah was in the living room.  I thought I would pop right out of my skin when I saw the title "CPC-A" next to my name.  I remember the test proctor telling us before the test that we would know when we logged into the site it would say "CPC-A" after our name. The "A" stands for apprentice.  I screamed!  You as a group will never know how happy I was that I passed.  The test was so hard and there were so many different reasons I could have failed:

• The room was icy cold 
• I had not studied very much 
• I was taking care of Sarah by myself 
• My husband was in Afghanistan
• The house is under construction
• I had injured my ankle and was possibly facing surgery

There were so many excuses I was ready to give if I failed.  I didn't need an excuse. I passed.  I need to finish my apprenticeship and get a job. This is the field I wanted more than anything.  Now to finish so I can become gainfully employed and the rest of my life will fall into place.
Thank you so much for being with me during this!
Much Love,
Kathi

Merry Christmas To You

It is the time for Sharing.  A time for peace.  It is a time to be together with family and friends.  The empty place at my table at Christmas dinner is for Mr. Y.  It will be to show that no matter where we are we will be honoring his absence.
It's 0038 and Sarah is asleep.  The stockings are hung and the presents wrapped and there is tranquility in my home.  Marshmallow and Al are sleeping on my bed and Kozmo is asleep on the sofa.  Mimi and Zack are upstairs and home for the night.  I'm finally done for the night and will be able to sleep and not run my butt off for a few days.  The busy chaos will be fun, but it will still be chaotic.
I'll take time to reflect on today when it's over.  My table will be filled with warm conversations.
May you have peace wherever you are.

Rough Week

This has been a rough week for me.  Besides the hectic schedule, there was an extremely painful cortisone shot that made me break out in hives.  It was itchy and hot and extremely uncomfortable.  I was told by the doc to go home and take benedryl.  It didn't help as much as I thought it would.  No more of that for me.
I took my exam yesterday and I have no idea if I passed.  I can only hope.  It was the hardest test I have ever taken.  The room was freezing.  I had a heavy down jacket and a scarf on and was still shivering.  Not the best environment for a national exam.
I bought a video camera for Sarah's Christmas pageant and can't seem to get it to interface with any of the computers.  I expected it wouldn't work with the MAC, but I thought I would be able to get it to work with the regular PC.  I'm going to have to spend some time on it.  Right now I need to make sure the tree is finished, the ornament boxes are put away and the rest of the place is cleaned up.  I also have to finish the Christmas shopping.  I won't tell you how much I spent on shipping to get the things I need by Christmas.  I should have planned ahead. UGH!!!  I guess I should qualify that... I couldn't really shop until we had the money and we didn't have the money until the 15th.  Once payday came I was fighting with a sore foot and spine, studying for a national exam; planning Christmas and every other detail involved with being the responsible person.  The whole thing made me really sad.  I went to Fred Meyer to buy a few things and had the overwhelming desire to sit on the floor in the middle of the aisle and cry.  I was so frustrated by every aspect of my life.  Marissa's boyfriend looked at me last night and said to me, "You know Ms Y one day you won't be able to do all of this and then what will you do?"  I can't tell you how loudly I wanted to scream, at that particular  moment, I didn't want any of this.  A kid needs both parents.  Maybe not together at the same time but still both parents to shoulder the responsibility.  I am overwhelmed.  It's not just Bunny, but her requirements for school; keeping the house clean; doing the laundry; paying the bills and being the babysitter every extra minute of the day.  I could hire out the housekeeping,  but Michael keeps promising that he will clean the house.  I just need help right now and I feel alone.  I need to suck it up and pull up my big girl panties.  I'm not a baby, but I needed to give myself a pep-talk.
I know it will get better.  Just give me a minute to gather my thoughts and clear my head.  I will prevail!

Standing In Line At The Post Office

Yesterday I went to the post office to mail off the packages to Mr. Y. for Christmas.  There were several people in line with their boxes, christmas cards and overnight mail.  I thought of them standing there and wondered if there was anyone there in the same predicament as I am.  Mailing off packages to a loved one over seas.  While the rest of the public is waiting for a package from sisters and brothers here in the states, there are those of us who are sending off little pieces of love to the ones who are in war zones.  There are no guarantees they will receive them before Christmas (or whatever holiday they are celebrating), but we try.
The postal worker recognized me and reminded me (again) about the dating the custom's form.  I always seem to forget.  I dread going to the post office for this.  I don't have a problem with the post office, but I dread the reason I had to go.  It's like facing reality and having my face rubbed in it.  The other part is that I have to face several things at the same time and they are all related to him being gone. Christmas, Anniversary, New Years...
Sarah and I were invited by my folks to go to the beach for our anniversaries.  This too put his absence right in the forefront of my mind.  I try most of the time to not think about it, but when it's right there, I have no choice than to address it directly.  He will never understand the impact his absence has had on all of our lives.
Thanks for sticking with me for this.  It's nice to know you are here.

Pouring A Concrete Floor

It's Another One Of Those Things I Leave for Him!

When Bunny and I woke up this morning the house was FREEZING!!!  I came up the stairs and looked at the thermostat and saw that it said "low bat".  I was congratulating myself on having just purchased and new "economy pack" of said batteries and thinking I was really smart to have purchased them when I did.  I will never say out loud that I actually bought them as replacement batteries for the Wii.  That would be just inflammatory to the thermostat when it was in it's time of mourning.
I took the brand-new batteries out of their adult-proof packaging and took the cover off of the thermostat.  I took the old ones out and quickly replaced them with the new ones.  The message didn't instantly change to "gee I feel better" and the heat didn't turn on to it's programmed usual fuzzy warm temperature.  I was starting to panic.  I was also in the middle of getting Sarah ready for school and there is a certain amount of bustle in the house.
OK - I'll build a fire in the fireplace.  That's a good fix to the daughter that was complaining that it was cold.  OK - where is that lighter that I saw a month or so ago?  Since none of us smoke, matches are sort of an anomaly here in the house.  I knew I had some,  ah - here they are and poof there is a fire to take care of the silly junk mail that seems to increase around the holidays.  Now for the kindling and firewood to keep this going until I can figure out the thermostat.  Oh yeah - I still need to get her ready to go to school and go back to tinkering with the thermostat.
Once the Bunny was dressed and cozily in front of the fireplace with her bowl of Kix, I went back to the thermostat.  I re-read the directions (again) and traded the brand-new batteries for some more brand-new batteries thinking there may be something wrong with the other brand-new batteries.  Nothing. GRRR!
By now, my Dad came to walk the dog and I had him look at it and he can fix most anything, but he was not at his best this morning as he was fasting for a blood test.  That would make anyone out of sorts.  He didn't have any more luck than I did.  It still said "low bat" and I had tried three different pairs of brand-new batteries.  Dad took Bunny to school and I told him I would look on line for a manual to see if there was any trouble shooting I could do or any advice I could get from people who had faced the same dilemma. To my surprise (wink wink) there were several places with more advice than one person could absorb in a morning.
All I had to do was to reverse the polarity of the batteries and this would cause the system to reset.
Bingo - all problems solved.  New batteries in place and with a cup of coffee in hand I went on to reset the weekday and weekend programming of the thermostat.  I set it for reality, not fantasy land.  If I were programming it for fantasy, I would be sleeping till 9 and wouldn't need it to come on before then.  But, since this is the real world, I programmed it for 630 and if Mr. Y. needs to adjust it when he gets home, then the more power to him.
Yes - I can do this, but it's one of those things I would rather leave for him.
Thanks for being here!

This Has Been a Tough Week (And It's Only Monday)

Last week bled over into this week and Bunny was sick.  She stayed home for 2 days with a really bad cold.  Then on Saturday night she was sick in the middle of the night and "vominated" in our bed.  Yuk, but there is nothing in this world that will make you move out of bed faster than a kid that's vomiting.
Vomit doesn't bother me that much.  I can roll with things pretty comfortably.  I just don't multitask very well at 3 am.
Before the end of summer term, the kids and I were taking Bunny for a walk with Kozmo.  My neighbor Alex was with a friend of his and we came up to him, with the dog, and before I was able to warn Alex's friend that Kozmo wasn't friendly, he reached down to pet him and Kozmo didn't even flinch.  He just bit him.   It drew blood and I freaked out.  I couldn't even believe that he had done it.  Alex's friend's hand healed and I knew I had to keep an eye out for unusual behavior.  Could this be the start of something?  Whatever it was, I was uneasy.  I called Chris he told me that there are legal actions that could stop anything from happening (legally speaking) to our family while he's gone.  Nothing ever happened with the county getting involved in that situation, but there was always the possibility.  Well - the reason I'm giving you the background is because Kozmo bit someone else today.  It was my fault and there is no reason to try to excuse it.  Kozmo wanted out into the backyard and I opened the door to let him out and there were men working in our yard.  These particular guys have been working here for the last month helping my dad with the garage.  Kozmo has never had an issue with any of them and I was shocked that Kozmo bit him when Kevin tried to pet him.  Once again, my heart hit rock bottom. This was his second and final chance.  It's over, but Dad wants me to keep the dog until Mr. Y returns.  He thinks it's safer than to have Bunny and I alone.  Kozmo has never shown and aggressive behavior toward any of the family members.  If anything, he has tried to lick us to death.  I have never seen a more loyal dog.  None of this started until after Mr. Y left and I wonder if it has anything to do with him being gone?  I know it sounds strange, but maybe we are needing protection and projecting this thing onto him and he is responding to it.  It's hard to guess what's going on in his little doggie brain.
To top it off, the Bunny's precious blankie was chewed on by Kozmo and he left a hole in the lower corner of the blanket.  She fell asleep with her "back-up blankie" that GrrrrrPa gave her when she was a baby.  It will do when blankie is in the wash, but that's about it.  I'm praying it makes it through the wash.  We are having one specially sewn by the lady that works at the cleaners.  It's going to cost me a couple of hundred dollars, but Sarah picked it out and she asks every day when will it be done.  She promised me before Christmas, but we can only hope.  Only when we get the new one will we retire the one she has been sleeping with since she was born.
Such a heavy heart today.
FYI. - the gables are up and the roof is on,  Concrete floor will be poured on Wednesday at 10 am.
Thank you as always for listening.  I hope you know how much I appreciate you.

Today was full of firsts - Sarah's first video to her Daddy, her first time making her own PB&J, her first letter to Santa went out in the mail, and the first major holiday of this season passed without any drama or tears.
Sarah was really missing her Daddy today and so I thought I would try my hand at making an amateur video to tell him she missed him and loves him.  It turned out to be heartbreaking for me to watch.  I sent it to Mr. Y and hope he understands the depth of her feelings toward him.  Daddy is her special guy.
Here is her letter to Santa.  Michael helped her to address it and I told her that the post office wouldn't even deliver it to Santa without proper postage.

It's amazing what I can do with technology.  Even klutzy me could pull this one off without falling down the stairs again!

Wow - What a Day!

Our table was overflowing today with excellent food and the air filled with entertaining stories.
Turkey with all the trimmings, ham, fresh sour-dough rolls, pumpkin pie, fresh whipped cream.  YUM!
My best friends were there, my parents,  my brother and his daughter came and brought an awesome lemon  jellyroll.
The night was completed by a call from Chris.  Nothing could have been better.  I miss him!

The Good Outweighs the Bad

I am reminded this time of year for all I'm thankful for.  I have an incredibly generous family, close friends and shelter.  I can't imagine being homeless today or any other day.
I could complain, but where would that get me?  A pity party?  No.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day and there will be a house full of people. Cousins, aunt, uncle, grandparents, and close friends gathered together in our home sharing food and stories.  The chaos is worth the fellowship.
I do remember that yesterday was my grandmother's birthday.  She would be proud to be at our table sharing stories of my father's childhood.  She was the one that gathered us together at her home for all the special occasions.  I miss her.
Mr. Y is always anxious when there is a house full of guests, but loves to have everyone over.  He is an excellent host and brags about the food we serve.  We will toast him tomorrow and pray for his safe return to us in the spring.  For now we will weather out the storm of his absence.

Beginnings

I'm sure from the title you're wondering what that means.  Well, this is the beginning of the holiday season. There are so many tasks to be completed between now and Christmas.  Today there is a birthday dinner for Lisa and then they are out of town until sometime next week.  Then next week is Thanksgiving and black Friday.  There is also a "friends/grandfriends" day at school on Wednesday.
A Test next month.
Our anniversary next month.
Christmas next month
A trip to the beach next month.
So many things..  Today if Chris was here, I know he would be in and out of the backdoor.  I'd grit my teeth because Sarah's napping and I would be studying.  I would have started dinner and he would be sneaking tastes of whatever I'm making and complaining there is nothing to eat for lunch.  This would start the on-going debate we have about how there is a huge difference between not having anything to eat and not wanting to cook what we have.  It really makes me laugh.
There have been other Saturdays when we sat on the couch snuggled up watching a movie while the rain poured outside.  Other times when we found out there were episodes of SpongeBob that we hadn't seen before.  Laughing about them.  Laughing about how we can nearly read each other's thoughts.
I miss these days where it's better to be inside than outside and to be snuggled up with him on the couch.
In march the rains will come and he will come home.  When that happens, we can spend that time together again.

For now, I need to be patient and wait for the next few months to pass.

From my kitchen window

From my kitchen window I could see the rafters for the new garage in place.  The dawn was breaking and it was unusually quiet and calm in the house.
I felt inspired and moved by the amount of love and labor that has gone into this job.  My uncle has been here, Sully has been here and my Dad has been here.  I'm sure they have seen my tension because of where he is right now, and their way has been to help.  This has never been about them. 
I'm not sure how I will ever repay their generosity.
I've heard them say this is nothing compared to what he is doing right now.

Veteran's Day

Today is Veteran's Day.  This is the day we honor those who gave their life in service of their country.
Mr. Y, and thousands more, are scattered miles away and the best we can do is to wish them well.  Thank you seems like such a small thing to say.  I wish I could hug every vet I know because they have given more than the bare minimum.  Ours is an all-volunteer service, so every one knows they can be called to war at any time.
I'm so proud of everything they have done for us.  When the jets flew overhead today I was filled with the sense of pride for our nation.

I bet you can't find a single person that hasn't been touched by something done by a veteran.  Family, friends, and coworkers are vets.  They give more of themselves and have a unity that appears unfamiliar to most.  The majority of the construction in my backyard is being completed by vets.  These vets have no reason (other than they want to help) and are giving more than I ever thought possible.
Be proud.  I know I am.

An Old-Fashioned Barn Raising

Today is Halloween

Today is Halloween and Sarah's costume is on.  She is ready to face the darkness with her siblings so she can rake in the hordes of candy and be frightened by the other goblin's of the world.
The kids took her to Abuelita's home for treats and then it will be time for the obligatory dose of protein before darkness falls.  Tons of trick-or-treating ahead.  If the weather holds out, there will be no rain to dampen the spirits of the night.  Wish Mr. Y was here to enjoy this night with us.
I must say - I miss him.  More lately than most.  I'm not really sure what the change is/was, but I definitely miss his company.  He called last night (it was the 30th for us and the 31st for him) so we wished him a Happy Halloween.  Sarah was able to talk to him on Skype for a few minutes before she had to go to bed.
It's always good for me to talk to him.  I am recharged for the draining week ahead of me.
Right now the house is quiet.  The dog is asleep in the chair and the cats are hiding in the bedroom because the vacuum scares them.  The house is relatively clean and I have a chance to reflect on my day.  It was a good day.  Tonight the goblins will be out and I am armed with a full bowl of candy.
Have a Spooky Halloween!  You are loved more than you know ~ All of you!

Demons

There are a lot of demons in this world.  I have mine and most of you have yours.  They come from different places and at different times.
A large part of me believes these are here for a reason.  My friend Pegi told me she thinks the reason I fell down the stairs was that it was "God's way of telling you to slow down Kat".  She may be right.
Slowing down terrifies me.  Not the kind of fear some people experience when they are startled by a noise in the night, but the kind of fear that feels like an ending.  An ending to what?  I have no idea.
Time is my demon.  It haunts me daily.  It is the reason I try to finish the dishes before bed; to get the house cleaned and to fix my hair or face.  You see, these things don't really matter.  They don't matter at all, but they are part of this machine called life that runs on a clock.  Everything we do is tied to "time".  Every deadline set by the boss; every sales forecast, and every homework assignment set by the instructors.  It's all about time and how fast can you get it done.  What did you get out of it?  Did you get paid by the hour? By the job?  Did you get that "A" on the assignment and was it turned in before the deadline?
Time is my enemy and my friend.  I'm wishing my day away. When tomorrow comes to an end, I will wish that day away as well.  Getting through the each day has become the game.  I'm studying for the CPC exam, writing this blog, paying the bills running errands and taking care of the family  ~ all so I can get through the day.
There are so many things I could complain about, but that isn't what this vehicle is for.  This is for keeping track of the time in days, not complaints.  I have a personal log for that.  This isn't a diary as much as it is a log to remind me where we were today.
It's 10:23 am on Friday the 29th of October.  I'm going to Sarah's school today and watch the Halloween parade and see my beautiful daughter dressed in her costume.  I'm going to take pictures for Chris to see. I will post them on Picasa Web.  I'm going to have dinner with my family tonight and then sleep early so tomorrow will hurry up and get here and maybe there will be that 15 minute morale call in there.  That is the only time I wish the clock could slow down.
You see, I don't get to pick and choose how fast the clock should tick by.  I get to watch the second hand  and know this is another thing in this world that I have no control over.  Some people say to have faith.  The clock keeps ticking regardless of what faith I do or do not have.  It's just that time is my demon to wrestle with.

It's Just Another Day

I would like to think yesterday was just another day.  It was my birthday, but that wasn't the difficult part for me, the difficult part for me was that he wasn't there.  I know I'm a big girl, but I just needed to whine a little bit. 

I wanted to share the picture of the beautiful flowers he sent me.  Aren't they quirky?  Cool too though! He called me for a "morale call" just as the flowers were arriving.  It was bedtime for him, but he wanted to make sure he was able to talk to me on my birthday.  That phone call meant more to me than anything.
I'm adding my birthday to the list of days to celebrate when he returns.  He will have more than a week of days to celebrate.  There will be Sarah's birthday, mine, his sister's, the twins', Mimi's, his mother's, my father's and his own.  That doesn't include Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, our 12th anniversary, or Valentine's day.   I'm not sure what we'll do because it would mean 8 different birthday cakes, an anniversary cake and a box of chocolates.  Way more than any family needs.
I'm planning a HUGE welcome home party for him.  I don't have an exact return date.  He told me the end of March.  That sounds like a wonderful time for a party. 
You will join me for this won't you?
Thanks for being there for me.  I appreciate all of you very much!

Change in My Comfort Level

Sarah spent the night at Abuelita's house last night.  I was apprehensive about her staying because I wasn't sure she was ready for that.  It was the first for both Abuelita and me.  Sarah has spent the weekend with Billy and Meagan before, so being away from me wasn't really a big deal to her.  Glad she was so comfortable.

Well, when I thought I was able to be comfortable with Mr. Y. being in the green zone, he goes and tells me he does his share of traveling outside the green zone to perform inspections.  I really don't know what that means, but it means he is in an armored vehicle and outside the safe area.  I can guarantee it changed my level of comfort.
I spoke with him on Skype once at home and once at Abuelita's house.  Both Lisa and Abuelita were part of the conversation and it was nice for them to both see and talk to him.  The connections speed was very slow, and toward the end the call was dropped twice.  I told Abuelita that the best time to be looking on Skype was either in the morning or the evening because of the time difference.

It helped me to talk to him.  We've always had effortless conversations.  We're like best friends.  It's very easy to joke and laugh with him.  I hope he feels like I do about it.  I miss the conversation and the ribbing we give each other.

It might be another week before we talk again, but I am a little more recharged than I was this last week.  I will just have to miss him until we talk again.

Have a great week!

Phone Call From OSI

I know if you read the previous post about the bomb threat at school you would have understood the stress it caused me.  Let me tell you, it just got worse from there.
Mimi and I were in the dining room and we were just talking when the land-line phone rang.  I looked at the caller ID and it was MCChord AFB.  My heart rate just doubled.  I know - panic for nothing right?
It was Mr. Y.'s boss from OSI.  The first question he asked me was if anyone from OSI had contacted me.  WHAT?  What's that supposed to mean?  Of course my heart-rate doubled again.  I think it was beating so fast it could have jumped out of my chest. I told him "no" and I was very hesitant about the answer.  Why should they have called me?  Was something wrong?  I just spoke with Mr. Y. last night on a morale call.  There is a 11.5 hr time difference between PDX and Kabul.  They are ahead.  When he called me last night it was already Friday morning.  This means (I have this internal dialogue is going on while I am trying to maintain composure) that anything could have happened between the time he called me and the time his boss was calling me.
OK - so I'm not trying to freak out and Mimi is looking at me and mouthing the words "who is it?" I mouth back the words "OSI and she's nearly on her feet with panic,  So am I, but I'm trying really hard not to freak out.  Slayton goes on to tell me he has Mr. Y.'s body armor.  Then I'm freaking out a little more and ask if he was there in country without it.  I was reassured that he has heavy body armor for his tour there and the one Slayton was speaking of was what the OSI uses for local missions.
OK - I feel better. Wait - No I don't!
He then asked me if I knew where is was.  Since he deployed out from the east coast, Slayton didn't know what date he would arrive in country.  Also since Mr. Y. isn't assigned to the McChord unit, they don't have any paperwork on him.  They just happened to receive his vest because he was at McChord for pre-deployment training when he ordered it.  It makes sense.  Maybe not to you, but it does to me.
I gave him the out date and then Slayton wanted to apologize that no one else had contacted me from OSI.  I should know how this goes by now.  I told him that the phone number he called from was a familiar one and since I knew where the call originated from it worried me.  He assured me that if he was calling, it would be a good thing.  Showing up in person however, was not a good thing.
Slayton asked me if I had his card with his personal cell number and I assured him I did.  He reminded me I should call him day or night if I was having any problems.  I thanked him and then hung up.  I can't tell you how stressed I was; and today couldn't have been worse.  Exam at 0800, bomb threat at 1130 and then this.  The good part about today was that I was able to have dinner with Abuelita, Mikey, Tasha, and Sarah.  Then Billy, Sarah and I put a puzzle together after dark.
Tomorrow is sure to be a better day!
Stick with me for this OK?  Talk to you then!

Unusual Events Make for Interesting Conversation

Today was a busy day for me.  Tonight will be no different.  If you live in the Portland Metro area then you might have heard MHCC evacuated their campus today due to a bomb threat.  I was in the computer lab and the alarm went off.  "This is not a drill. Please evacuate immediately. Take your personal belongings and evacuate immediately. This is not a drill!"  I was able to get someone to tell me what was going on at the school and there was a bomb threat.  They were taking it seriously.  There were 2 Gresham Fire trucks and at least 6 Gresham Police cars. 
I have a different feeling about these things than the average public.  The average public thinks this is nothing more than a reason to get out of class for a few minutes.  To me it means an IED in a safe-place and could harm me.  I think of this differently than most of you because of where Mr. Y. is.  IED's in Afghanistan are common, here, not so much.  Do you remember the bomb that went off in the bank in Woodburn a last year?  It killed a couple of the local police.  Why is it that most people don't take these seriously as I do?  I don't know.  The idea of pink mist kinda grosses me out.  Maybe people are under the assumption that nothing will happen to them.  I don't know why though.  Don't you remember when the teacher told you to "never assume it makes an ass out of you and me."
Maybe we should remember that none of us are replaceable!

It's Been a While

It's been about a week since I posted so I thought I would give you all a quick update on what is happening with me and the family.
Since my last post I have joined the AAPC (American Association of Professional Coders) and have scheduled myself to take the certification exam.  When (Notice that I didn't say "if") I pass the exam I will be considered an apprentice.  I just need the rest of the experience to finish this and become a Professional Coder.  This process hasn't been cheap.  My books have cost me about $500.00 and the exam and membership to the professional organization were another $370.00.  That cost doesn't even include the cost of the classes at MHCC.  That series included three separate 4-credit courses.  I just need an internship to give me the experience I need, then I will have it in the bag.  Yay for me!
Communication with Mr. Y. has been significantly reduced from the last deployment he made to Afghanistan.  I spoke with him weekly last deployment, and this time it is about every two weeks.  The skype connection has been slow and therefore, it can only be "without video" to avoid connection interruption.  I would love just to talk with him over the phone, but that will happen when it happens.  The strange thing is  Bunny has stopped asking for him.  I thought it might happen, but I wasn't prepared for how sad it would make me.  I have noticed a difference in Sarah's attitude in the last week.  Maybe it is easier for her to just be frustrated with everything else and that's how she has been dealing with it.  There have been so many transitions for her over the last couple of months that there is no way a sane person could prevent being crabby.  I'm really trying to give her a very stable environment so she knows what the predictability of events will be.  Some of you might think these things are very routine, but when other things in your life have been interrupted, routine is comforting.
We have school M-F and then on Friday afternoon/evening we go to dinner with Abuelita.  On Sunday morning we go to church and then have donuts in the rectory afterward. we do homework before the TV ever gets turned on (yes, even the kindergartner's get homework daily).  In between these chore-like activities we have to do some fun things like go to the park to play on the swings, play cards and all the other silly games she likes to play. These things make her life predictable.  I didn't say all of them were fun, but they are all necessary for our family.
We haven't worked on the garage in the last two weeks because we allowed the concrete to cure.  Now we will order the rest of the lumber and get the walls and ceiling started.  We will have this finished before December and hopefully we will have the floor poured before Mr. Y comes home.  As soon as I have new pictures to post to Picasa-Web I will post them for all of you to see the progress we have made.  I need to stress the "WE" of this operation because we have had help.  Sully, Dad, Mikey, Billy, Zack and Mimi have all helped.  Yes, I did help too.
Well, back to the studying.  Have a great day and know that I love you very much and am so glad to be sharing this with you!

It's Just the Simple/Not So Simple Things

You know how when you get into the shower in the morning the temperature can set the tone for your day. If you run out of hot water it can start the rest of your day in a funk.  But, if you get the temp just right it can make your whole body feel good.  It felt so good to just let the water wash over me.  It drained the stress from lack of sleep and put me in the right frame of mind.  I know - It's the simple things.

Getting Sarah ready for school in the morning is challenging.  She's like her dad.  She isn't a morning or a night person.  She is a middle of the day kind of person.  Sarah doesn't function well in the morning and she can be the crankiest person on the planet.  Not only that, but she is the best negotiator I have ever seen. I have no idea how this started and I'll be damned if I can change it.  If I say "You need to eat your dinner so you can get dessert" she will want to know how much does she need to eat in order to get it.  If I say ten bites then the negotiation is on.  She will counter with 8 bites and finally I just tell her she needs to eat it and I won't give her an answer.  If figured if I don't give in to this then she will have to just buck up and eat all of it.  AARGH!  This is one of the simple things I wish was easier.  Wait, maybe it's not so simple after all.

Now homework is a whole separate issue.  I don't think it's easy in the slightest.  It's not that the work is complicated, I know what I'm doing, it's working around all of the other things that's difficult.  Making dinner, helping Sarah with her homework, doing laundry, dishes (housekeeping in general) and finding time to have an adult conversation with anyone else is difficult.  There are only so many hours in the day and I don't want to sacrifice my grades to get the other things accomplished.  These classes are more time intensive than some of the others and I would rather the housekeeping suffer than the grades.  Sarah - well, you know how I feel about her.  She will always have top billing in the house.  I want her school experience to be as successful as the twins.  I want her to be happy in school and go as far as possible.

Are you wondering, at this point, why I'm taking time to write this blog?  Well it's simple really.  I can take what I'm feeling and thinking and put it into words to get it out of my system.  It reminds me of going to the gym and working up a really good cardio-sweat.  It takes the toxins out and I can start fresh.

Well, I guess I need to get back to the homework.  I have assignments due and need to study for the anatomy lab mid-term exam.
Have a wonderful day!

Today Was About Me!

Most of you know my children come first.  Those of you with children know there needs to be a balance between taking care of your children and taking care of yourself.  I tend to lean toward taking better care of the kids than myself.  Not because I feel they are more important, but because I feel their needs tend to be more urgent.  Today I was able to take a little time for myself and go on the Chocolate Decadence Tour.  I learned the difference between a chocolate maker and a chocolate melter.  Amazing how ignorant I could be about something I love so much!
Today was bittersweet. (No pun intended).  I went to church with Sarah and when I returned home we had missed the call from Mr. Y.  Billy was at home on my laptop and the Skype application was open and Mr. Y thought I was on line.  He called and I missed it.  This was bittersweet because I knew that he had gone outside the base to the airport in Kabul and I know the dangers present off the base.  I know the acronyms. They are IED and RPG.  They = danger.  Now I know he made that journey safely.
I spent time with Pegi and David tonight.  They were holding a company dinner for their employees and I was invited.  I'm not an employee, but we consider each other family.  It was their generosity which allowed me to take the Chocolate Decadence Tour.  I cannot tell you how important it was for me to spend a little time reconnecting with them.  It renewed me for the coming week.  I felt so much better.  They are like the siblings I never had to fight with.  It always feels like we picked up where we left off.  Nice to have that kind of relationship. Yes, today was about me.
Thanks for listening and have a great day.

I'm OK - Really

One of my friends said that I sounded lonely.  I really am OK.

I'm surrounded by family who loves me very much and is there if I need anything.  If you've read any of my earlier posts, you'll know that the term "family" doesn't necessarily mean related by blood.  My family includes my close friends.  

I may be here and Mr. Y. is there, but I'm really OK.  We talk when we can and I know he will be as safe as he can be.  Don't get me wrong, I still worry, but these events are out of my hands.   We will be together when he returns.

Thank you for being concerned.

I'm really OK though.

Stacking Up

When I think about the date Mr. Y. left, I  can start to add up the things he has missed.  I'm not doing this because I want to be mean, but because I want to keep a record for him. Here they are: - Not quite perfect order though...

On July 27, 2010, Sarah had her 5th birthday.  On August 1, 2010, Sarah lost her first tooth.  On September 13, 2010, Sarah started her first day of school at All Saints School.  On September 19, 2010, Chris missed my Dad's 68th birthday.  On September 21, 2010 Sarah lost her second tooth.
There were so many other details.  The concrete was poured on the 14th of September, Back to school night (where the parents get a chance to meet with the teacher) was on the 23rd, and many, many more.
I wouldn't be surprised to have Sarah reading basic books by the time he returns.

I want Mr. Y. to understand that life is all about the details.  These are the most important details of this year besides the fact that he is gone.  It's not just that he has missed these things happening to her, and in her life, but he has missed sharing them with her.  It's not just being there for the event itself, but being part of the memory as well.

Sometimes I think Sarah gets mad at me sometimes because I'm the one here to be mad at.  If Daddy was here, then he would get part of that too.  We, as parents, get to be the ones the emotion is directed at when there is no other place for it to go.  These are the good and the bad emotions.  When Sarah is happy, she shares her happiness with me.  When she is sad, she shares it with me, and when she is mad, she directs it at me because I am (simply) here.

I don't think I understood kids until I was an adult and had them of my own.  The first time I became a parent it was of twin boys.  It was all OJT for me.  No chance to learn it before hand, and since I didn't get a manual at the hospital when they were born, I just learned it as I went.  All of them hard lessons.
I'm so grateful that my children have waited to finish their education before they have children.  Not that I did it the wrong way, I just did it differently.

The details will stack up and become too high and fall down around me.  If I don't keep track, I will never remember what they were and when they happened.  Thank you for letting me share them with you.

First Day of the New Term

Well, today was the first day of the new term.  Of course this is Sarah's second week at school and she has been exposed all the other virus carriers at the school.  This means she has a cold and now I am getting one.  The first day of school and I had a sore throat. UGH.  But the good news is that I don't have any more homework due today.  I have completed all of it for now.  Bed for both of us.
Good night world.

Sunday the 19th

68 years ago today my father was born to Walter (Buzzy) Powell and Irene Loeffelbein.
My Dad continues to be a very strong presence in our family.  He is the builder of the family, the sanity maker, and the strength in our unit.  He may not be a particularly religious man, but he has faith in all of his family.  Faith that we will make good choices, faith that we will live up to the moral standards instilled in my brother and I, and faith that we will pass those moral values/standards onto our children.
Every day I hope that I can be the kind of person my father is.  Everyday I look at him and smile to myself because his generosity is overwhelming.  He never asks for anything in return.
I hope my children see the kind of person he is and can also strive to be as generous in life and beyond.

The Clock is Mocking Me

The seconds tick by.
The sound of the clock is deafening
I have not left the computer except to get dinner started and to take care of Sarah.  I realize today this in unhealthy.  I need to do something to take my mind off of the ominous tick of the clock.
I know this is just my rant.
It is not a reflection of anything but war.
This is the way it is supposed to be.
Wives and husbands left behind to wait and wonder the outcome.
We cross off the days on the calendar.
Most of us numb to the outside world.
There is no sense of normalcy.
I find myself tense and irritable.
Waiting again as the seconds ticks by.
I check my cell phone.  It's fully charged.
Open the gmail tab and hit "refresh".  Nothing has changed since the last time I checked.
I write an email to someone and hit send.  The clock appears to have slowed.  I check my phone.  It hasn't slowed, it just feels like it.
"Momma, when is Daddy going to be home?"  I tell her "May".  Because she is 5, she asks me "After this bedtime will it be May?" "No Sarah, May is next year." After this bedtime will it be next year?" "No, we have to get through Thanksgiving and Christmas (which brings a spark of interest to her eyes) and New Years Day first.""Momma, I miss Daddy!" "Me too, but you have me and Grumpy (yes, that's what we call him) and Mimi and Brothers."  This chatter is daily.  The reminder that we all are here for her does not always appease her, but it can change the tone of need in her.
I get up and fill my coffee cup, it was empty and needed more.
I need to walk away from this for a moment.  The emotion of it is overwhelming.
I have looked at the clock at least 10 times in the last hour.  Nothing has changed.  Time has moved, ever so slowly, but it has moved.
I started the dishwasher and have Sarah's clothes laid out.
I start school on Monday and have pared my classes down because I don't think I can take too much more stress, only 10 hours this term.
15 minutes has gone by.  I think the clock is mocking me.
I've been up since 0400.
If the computer wasn't tied like a noose around my neck, I would have been able to accomplish so much.
I feel like Atlas trying to hold up the world.  So heavy, my knees are buckling with the weight of it.  If I could just set it down and rest for a minute.

Really!

I have to hand it to Michael and Tasha!!!  They have been holding my hand this week.  I think both of them know how stressed I've been and they have been great at distracting me.  Michael did the dishes while Tasha helped me look through e-bay for another phone.  Sarah was playing with all of us.  It helps to have an extra pair of eyes.
I can't sit still anymore.  I'm going to try to close my eyes and get some sleep.  I guess I should be honest though, I will check my e-mail (both accounts) and my phone to make sure it's charged before I close my eyes.  I just hope...  Well, you know what I hope for.
Thanks for listening though!
Sweet dreams and positive thoughts!

Waiting

Today is a sluggish day.
I haven't received an e-mail or call from Izzy since Monday.
I don't know if I have said it, but - I feel like I'm on the moon.  No one from the police bureau or the military has called me.  Not like I expect a call from anyone, but I feel like someone should have called me.  If I was a union rep from the bureau I would have called to make sure there were no un-answered questions.  If I were from the military I would have called to ask if Tricare was set up and if there were any questions.  I don't want to have a problem before I figure out who to talk to.
When Izzy left he told me the health insurance would be taken care of and that there was some sort of agreement between the city and the union.  I know it was up to me to handle it, but I had questions.  I had to figure this out.  Why was there a portion of the form that asked for my routing number and why did it say that it was for automatic withdraw from our checking account?  I took the form to HR downtown and had to wait to talk to someone.  I took the initiative to make sure at least part of this went smoothly.  What about the rest of the questions?  It was/is true - there is an agreement between the city and the union that our health insurance will be maintained.  Why wasn't there a pamphlet about what to expect when your spouse is deployed?  There should be something and even a monthly phone call to make sure you are making ends meet, don't have any problems getting access to Tricare, aren't having depression issues, etc.  If there had been that phone call, I might not have felt like I was on the moon.
I spoke with Dan (Izzy's Sgt at the bureau) and he was looking into finding out more information.  He said there was someone and that he would e-mail me that information.  I shared Izzy's contact information and that  I knew he landed in Afghanistan.
I don't have anymore information to share.  When I get either a phone call or an e-mail, then I will share what I know and a mailing address to send cards and letters.
On a more positive note, the concrete foundation is poured.  We will be pulling the forms off next week and then start on the walls.  I will have to get a concrete specialist in to deal with the floor/driveway.  I want it perfect so that there are no puddles inside if a car brings water in because its been raining.  You know it does that here sometimes.
It feels good to get things out on virtual paper.  I don't feel like I'm going to explode from the stress, at least not today!

The First Day of School

Well - We did it!  I know you all will tell me you never had any doubts, but I can never be too sure.
She looked awesome in her school uniform.  Mimi and Zack were there with me to support Sarah.  I took some photos and yes, I even managed to lose my coffee cup while I was doing it, but it was a small sacrifice to give.  My only complaint was that it felt disorganized.  I know there must have been a science to the way they were managing things, but I could see areas for improvement.  I will try harder not to be critical.
I heard from Chris.  He was fueling up before Afghanistan (in some other -stan - I think Kyrgyzstan and I know I might have misspelled that one.)  He still has a cough, but he is feeling better.  He had 1 chance to shower, but has been flying for three days.  He knows he missed Sarah's the first day, but I sent him a picture and have made myself available whenever he needs me.  I would drop everything to talk to him and know he's safe.
Tomorrow - Concrete in the am/ housekeeping in the afternoon and then painting the computer room on Wednesday.  There is never enough time and always too much to do.
I will post more information when my day isn't so crazy.

On This Week's Agenda

This week (like the ones that will follow) will be crazy.  Bunny starts school tomorrow.  It's going to be really fun for her.  The parents are invited to coffee in the rectory following the start of the school day.  This time I may be just one of the moms.  Not like being the only person there without a spouse.  I promised I would take lots of pictures and post them to Picasa for Mr. Y and for Abuelita.
I was thinking yesterday that I could take the digital card and print all of the pictures for the last three months and out them into an album.  Then just keep doing it until he comes back.  He should three or four albums of all of the things he missed while he was away.
I need to order my books for school and go pick them up.  This term's classes are going to be hard, but not impossible.  I look forward to the distraction.
Tuesday the construction continues in the back yard.  We are pouring concrete for the foundation and footings and garage.  We passed our inspection with flying colors.  The only thing we were told was that we need to add a ground strap because we are adding electricity.  Once we get the garage built and the shed contents transferred then I can transfer my glass to the shed and start working there.  I really want to add a kiln so I can do some special work there.  I know what I like and I think I can really do some good.  I also want to do my mother's living room windows in leaded glass.  I just need to get a little practice in before I start.
Today there is a picnic for the All Saints Parish.  There is mass following the picnic.  There are more "community-oriented" activities here than any place I have ever belonged to.  On the 24th, Tasha and I will going to a wine tasting.  The proceeds benefit the school.  Who ever heard of this?  It looks like fun though.  Neither Tasha or myself like wine, but since she has finished her master's degree in teaching, I thought it would be good exposure to get her out there in a private school and make some contacts.  I would love to see her teaching at All Saints.  She is very patient and sweet.  The kids would love her!  I know how much Bunny loves her.  Cool.
Well, I better get to it.  I have been sitting here drinking coffee for the last couple of hours while I watch SpongeBob.  Gotta love how mindless it is!
Take care!

Do I Dare Post Today?

Well - Before I jump on the band wagon, let me say that I am not posting because today is September 11.  I'm posting because I am the wife of a soldier.  My Marine friend would say otherwise. (Apparently the specific definition is: fighter, trooper, serviceman, servicewoman; warrior; GI; peacekeeper; archaic man-at-arms)  This is my husband in more form than one.  He is a civilian peacekeeper and a soldier in the military.  
I'm outraged by an ignorant fool who would burn the Quran on today's date in some sort of protest on the attacks on the US in 2001.  That would be a stupid thing to do.  And here we are, fighting to defend his right to be stupid.  Sure, it make perfect sense (note my hint of sarcasm there).  I'm outraged because it would cause more harm than good.  It might make that one little guy and his little church feel good, but it wouldn't do anything to help our soldiers overseas.  In fact, it would raise tensions and hinder peacekeeping activity.  The military needs all the support this country can give.


Let me leave you on this note:
When the twin towers were destroyed on that epic day, I was a zombie for days.  Most of you who know me, know I would rather eat a cockroach than talk to strangers.  I felt myself asking random people walking down the street if they were OK.  The silence was deafening for the weeks that followed the attacks.
I do notice weird things more often now.  An illegally parked van in front of the post office and some strange dark-skinned guy pacing back and forth about 10 feet from the van, a backpack left on the bus by some kid that was too distracted to remember it.  Some things don't just feel right anymore.  We need to hold strong to who we are and be consistent in what we say and do.  
much love my friends!

So Many Things Right Now

Once again I'm up before the rooster is crowing.  I've been up since 0330 this time and I took my Lunesta last night. *sigh*
Well, I used to say another day, another dollar.  Time is really getting away from me right now.  I wonder how I'm going to find my groove again when the school year starts in less than 2 weeks.
Today Sarah is getting her kindergarten evaluation.  I was told my by son's girlfriend, who just graduated with her master's degree in teaching,  that this is where the kids are tested to see what they know for "sight words", how far they can count, do they recognize the ABC's and so on.  Sarah doesn't read, but she does know a lot of words on sight.  She just hasn't figured out how to string them together to read a book.  They also have to wear their uniform today.  I have Sarah's uniform all ready.  This means that I have to take it with me when I drop her off at Kathy's Daycare.
This place (Kathy's Daycare) has been wonderful.  I can't sing the praises enough about her daycare.  Sarah has grown and learned so many things.  She comes home with projects everyday.  They studied Picaso a couple of weeks ago and she told her Abuelita that the painting she had in her bathroom was a Picaso.  Of course, when Abuelita looked at me with that look, I knew what she was thinking.  Then it was verbalized: "She knows too much."  You can never know too much unless you have mob connections.  Well, OK - I don't have those and really wouldn't want to.  ANYWAY...
I spoke with Mr. Y yesterday and gave him the run-down on what was happening here at home.  I forgot to tell him his BDU's uniform arrived.  Since he is flying in a couple of days and I'm not sure where to send it (as I don't have his APO or FPO or whatever it is they are using for where he is) I will wait.  Last time he was in country it was an APO.  One of our Marine boys gets his packages through an FPO.  I can't keep up.  "You can't tell a player without a program".  I'm just saying.
As far as the construction progress goes, we have an "erosion inspection" today.  This a new one for me.  It's not like we are digging into a hillside or anywhere there is a strong grade.  It is just part of the process.  Once that is done, we will need a "forms/foundation" inspection prior to pouring the concrete.  Good news is that the concrete for the forms will be about $775.00.  I called Knife River concrete products and they just need 3 days advance notice.  It will take every guy I know to come over and help with this one piece.  All the concrete guys are going to do is pour and we will take care of the rest.  I can't wait until this piece is complete so we can start framing up the walls.  You would think we were building a house instead of a garage.  Mr. Y will love playing in this when it's done.  I know the "Jimmy" will be in there every weekend.

The Power Of Sleep

Sleep.  It's one o those things you really don't think about unless you are deprived of it.  I need sleep.  Pure and simple.  I need to close my eyes at bed time and drift off into the land of lullabies.  The one thing I have always been able to do is sleep.  I lay my head down on the pillow and my eyes close.  Something happened in the last couple of years.  Now I can't sleep at all without sleep enhancing medications.  You know - the little blue pill with the butterfly.  I tried melatonin thinking there was something I could do without having to see a doc about it. It didn't work! 

The long and the short of it is that I would be up all night without sleep meds.  I have to laugh.  I was up last night at around 1am wondering if I would ever fall asleep.  That was the last time I remember looking at the clock.  It's 11 am and I am bleary-eyed while I'm on the computer.  I have been up for hours and wonder if I'm crazy and does everyone go through this?

One day sleep will come.  Maybe when the house is quieter or Sarah is older.  Maybe when my life isn't under constant construction.

You Never Knew...

Sometimes we forget where we are and why we are there.  I wonder if people ever stop to look around themselves and see where they are?
I heard my mother's voice in my head saying "don't judge a man until you have walked a mile in is moccasins".  All of us have trials we are attempting to recover from.   You would never know unless you know or knew them personally.
We have lost all sense of community and we don't even address each other any more.  Where are the kind words?  Where are the extended hands to help each other?  I wondered if they even existed anymore.  
There are a few.  They extend a hand, give more than the bare minimum.  They are not my church, they are part of my family and not always blood related.  These members of my "family" are young and old.  They are not rich by monetary standards, but they have wisdom and strength of character.  They have offered to help, not just me, but others who had a need.  Not because they have to, but because they want to be part of the family and not part of the problem or uncaring society.  They picked their causes and they are near to their hearts.
You never knew this.  You wouldn't know unless you knew them personally.  They might be in line at the supermarket and you wouldn't give them a passing glance.
Please celebrate the people in your life who have helped you.

The Stress of Today

I never know when I'm going to be thrown for a loop.
Today Mimi asked me to take her to the DA's office so she could meet with the DA on the trial of her ex-boyfriend for menacing.  She was proactive and gathered her phone records and had all of her ducks in a row.  We got there and waited in the vic's lounge and I watched as she bit her nails and hands shook.  I know how hard this is for her.
When the DA came in she didn't look as enthusiastic as I would have expected.  I thought this would be a slam-sunk case where she goes in and testifies that the guys did this, this, and this and he is remanded to the county jail for time he needs to serve.  It wasn't like that.  It came down to the fact that Mimi's former friend set her up and called the ex-boyfriend and lied through her teeth about it to the police and to Mimi.  It's not that the dirt ball didn't menace Mimi, but he came to meet her at a destination set up by that slimy ex-friend.  I don't know what the motivation was for all this except that they were not speaking and engaged in any friendship type activities.
There is a light at the end of this tunnel.  Mimi can pursue this at a later date if necessary.  It really doesn't change what she did or the fact that she set her up.
Mimi's move improved drastically when she came home to a letter from Z.  She also was invited to go to italy with him and I think she is considering it.
We also went to anatomy tattoo to get her tattoo covered up. She sat with the artist for about  30 minutes and found her design.  It's scheduled for Monday.  Then we went to the gym and worked out until I nearly dropped.  My legs are noodles and my arms are sore.  In a good kind of way though.
Mr. Y didn't call me tonight for our nightly 4 minute conversation.  I hope he is ok.  I know his back is a little tender, but he will get by!  The nice part is that I will also get through it.
Sleep now before I get too rummy to write!  Talk to you tomorrow.

I know why there are things I leave to him!

I do know why there are certain tasks that I leave up to Mr. Y.
Today I spent the better part of the afternoon trying to put together a lateral file cabinet.  It is very well made, but for the ease of storing and selling, the manufacturer makes them in pieces and boxes them in a cardboard box that weighs around 75lbs.   This was actually my second attempt at it.  The first time I attempted to do this there was a broken piece at the bottom of the box.  I boxed it back up and took it back to Office Depot where I purchased it.  They were nice enough to unload it out of my car and reload a different one in.  Once home, the hunting party took it out of the Jetta and brought it into the house for me. I mentally rolled up my sleeves and started in on the task.  Who would have thought there needed to be so many pieces.  There were 16 pages in this little book of directions. The only reason there are so many pieces is because they make these things out of particle board and you need lots of glue and screws and other pieces of particle board to put it together out of the box.  Sure I could have paid more for the guy to come out to my house and do it for me, but I needed to do this for myself.
Actually, I think I did OK until I was getting down to the end of the project.  I had the frame of the cabinet built and was getting to work on the drawers and sliders.  The drawers kicked my butt.  You need to be an octopus in order to put it together.  There are about three things that need to slide together at the same time and it wasn't happening.  I know I have all of my mental faculties together, but this was NOT working.  Finally after dinner I did what I didn't want to do.  I called my dad.  He's already been here for the day working on the forms in the backyard.  I hated to bug him, but this would never have gotten finished if I hadn't.
One of the first things he said was that the screws weren't tight enough.  He took my screwdriver and proceeded to tighten all of them up.  after about five minutes of helping me by holding certain pieces together so others could be properly fitted into place, he said the sweetest thing in the world to me.  He told me this would have been difficult for him to put together by himself and he understood why I called and asked for help.  I guess I really didn't do it myself after all.  With his help it took less than 45 minutes to finish.  Then of course, Bunny put her "babies" in the bottom drawer.  It appears to be an expensive toy box/office furniture.
Time to invest in a better screwdriver.

What's Up With My Kid?

I know this might sound a little off, but how is it Bunny will eat huli huli chicken and rice and totally ignore chicken strips and fries?  I placed the order for both and she ate half of mine and didn't touch hers. UGH!!  Still I didn't have to share my mac salad.  There is still enough pickiness that I don't have to share everything.

The End of Another Long Day

Some days seem to just drift by without a second thought.  Today should have been that way.  It wasn't.  I felt cornered at every turn but  not by anything more than entropy.  

I pulled my grades off the web and I did well this term.  3.27.  Not bad for flying solo for most of the term.

I wondered about my brain this week.. maybe it was the stress of the weekend.  I feel slightly overloaded.   Maybe not overloaded, just tired.  Bone tired like I could sleep for a week without sleep enhancing medication.  I would like nothing more than to take a breather.  Maybe not be so rigid in our schedule.  Not worry about what's getting accomplished.  I know school just ended for the term, but I just wish that I had more than three weeks to breathe before jumping into it again.  I'm scheduled for another 15 credit hours and not really sure where I can pare it back without losing something really important.  Somehow I will be able to pull this off.  I just wonder where it will take me once again.  Stay with me for this ok?  I kind of like having you here to be a voyeur into my mind and life.  It helps me to get this out on virtual paper.

Coming Home

Yesterday when I woke up, Mr. Y had a bad cold.  I let him sleep in even though it was the last day he would get to spend with Bunny before we came home and he deployed out to Afghanistan.  I figured he needs to be well rested for the task in front of him.
Before he left for the pre-deployment training, I took the prayer cards out of his bullet-proof vest that he wears for the police bureau and placed them into his bullet-proof vest he will wear for the military.  Those of you who know me well, know that I'm not very religious.  Mr. Y is - to a point.  The prayer cards are traditional catholic ones. We also pinned the St. Michael to his vest, and now all of the little "charms" that I found some comfort in, are with him.
Before I left for Spokane, I ordered a survival bracelet for myself and for Mr. Y.  The cause is near and dear to my heart. it's the "Wounded Warrior Project" and part of the proceeds go to support the project.
I wanted Mr. Y to have one of these before he left. Just in case.  Of course right after he opened it he told me they advised him to change out his bootlaces for paracord (which is what the survival bracelet is made of).  He reminded me he can't wear this in uniform.  Where there is a will, there is a way!  He put it on and that made me smile.  I told him he needed to be safe.  He brought up the topic of what I am to do in case he is captured and how to handle things.  All of our affairs are in order, so that really isn't a problem.  Still, this topic gave me a very uneasy feeling.  He reminded me to have faith.  Like I said in my last post, I'm working on that.  It doesn't come easy for people like me.
He went back to bed for a couple of hours and I woke him up 2 hrs before our flight left and asked for a ride to the airport.  He got up and drove us to the airport.  And here we are, the three of us, standing in the airport in Spokane and Bunny is crying because she doesn't want to leave and I have a bad feeling about the whole situation.   I wonder (somewhere in my mind) is this the last time I will see him?  Is this the last time Sarah will hug her father?
Afghanistan is a different animal than it was when he was there in 2004.  Back then his job was more dangerous than this one, but he will be in a city where there are IED's going off daily.  Afghanistan is more deadly than ever for the American and Allied forces.  The death counts are posted in the weekly paper the Air Force prints.  The thought of this puts a lump in my throat that nearly chokes me.  Still, I say goodbye and turn before the tears cloud my vision.  I am supposed to be the strong one for Bunny to lean on.   A deep breath.  I can do this.  We enter the secure area and start taking off our shoes and placing our things into the bins to be x-rayed. then on to the plane to take us home.
When we come home, there is the traditional chaos that comes with walking into your home.  The animals want your attention, there is a stack of unopened mail - bills, reminders that life goes on no matter what stress you are currently under.  Now that I am composed since our last time together, I call Mr. Y to let him know we are home safe and say goodnight before I put bunny to bed.
I am strong.  I can do this.
Tomorrow will be a new day.  School will be starting in a couple of weeks for the kids and I.  We will still try to get together for meals a couple of times per week to reconnect.  Dad and Mom are here for us if we need help.  There is always something that will maintain our focus on the here and now.

Once again, life under construction!

Changes are coming.

On Thursday Bunny and I got on a plane and headed for Spokane to see the hubster for the last time before he heads to Afghanistan.

The grass and land fires had the sky so hazy here that you couldn't even see the sun.  So glad that only lasted for Thursday.

We had dinner together had the equivalent of a quiet evening at home.  We are staying in TLF (temp living facility) on the base.

On Friday we went to the waterfront in downtown Spokane and Bunny got to play on an inflatable slide.  We rode the tram up to the falls and then took a little train tour.  It was fun and Bunny was so happy to see her daddy. I became invisible again.

On Saturday we were invited by one of Chris' OSI coworkers home. In my life, I have never met a more generous family.

Mark has 7 kids and lives outside of Spokane by about 30 minutes.  

He took us out on his boat on the Coeur D' Alene Lake and the Spokane River.  It threatened rain, but turned out to be a beautiful day.  We spent about 5 hours on the boat.  During that time he took us into the marina at Coeur D' Alene for a burger at a famous burger joint called Hudson's.  It was one of the best burgers I have ever had.  The folks that work there are more friendly than any I have ever met.  They had a conversation with Bunny and seemed genuinely interested in what she had to say.

It was great and there were so many places to camp along the river.  I have lots of ideas on where to take the trailer next summer.  Beautiful parks that are close enough to walk down to the water and play in the shallow areas for the kids or swim out to deeper water for the swimmers.

When we came back Mark and his family fed us dinner.  Like I said, more than generous.  It was so nice of them to take us out on the boat and feed us lunch before we left and dinner when we came back.

Sadly, today we have to come home.  I have already had to wipe Bunny's tears away whens she said "I want to stay with Daddy!". and of course at this age she has no idea of linear time and that it will be months before she sees him again.

Of course Chris and I had to have "the talk".  If you are in the military or the spouse of military personnel, you know the talk I mean.  What to do in case I'm captured, who to call if you have questions, and most importantly to have faith.  

Faith - I'm working on that one.  I have to be the strong one because in the coming months, Bunny will look to me for the strength she needs to get through the holidays and her first year of school.

Thank you to the rest of my family for standing with me during the difficult times.

Once again, life under construction!

Gonna Hold Our Own Private Beer Fest!

This is the e-mail I sent out a yesterday that is for the party!


Hello to my friends!



We are gearing up for the second annual beer tasting even here at our
house. As many of you know, Mr. Y will be in Afghanistan and unable to
attend this year. We will begin the event with a toast in his honor.
Please mark your calendar for 10-23-2010 at 3:00pm. Food will also be
served.
The idea is not for everyone to get drunk, but to have a taste of the local
beers and some exotic ones from out of the country. The goal is for
everyone to have a sip of approximately 25 different beers.
We will feature some of the sweeter beers/adult beverages (that fall into
the beer and wine category) for those who doesn't like the traditional taste of beer.
There will be some desserts as wells as cheeses and crackers and pizza at
the end.
For those of you who weren't at the last one, an Excel graph depicting the
results will be e-mailed to those that are interested.

Please let me know if you and your S/O are interested in attending this
event. Evites will go out the first week of September (but before the
school year begins).
I hope you can attend this event! It will be a lot of fun and a chance to
get to know each other a little better.
If your lucky, you may discover your new favorite beverage!
I sure hope you can make it!

Forgot to Share This...

Have you just ever wondered what the government was thinking when they do some of the things they do?
I got this postcard in the mail the other day and even commented on it on FB.  How F'd up do you think it is?  I tried to upload it, but apparently Blogger.com doesn't support this media type.  I will try to figure out a way so you can see it for yourselves.  It is for Death Benefits for military personnel and their family members.  On the front of the card it says ""Veterans Funeral Care. On Behalf of a Grateful Nation"
Please - You know me right?  You know where my family is right now right?  Don't send this crap to me.  Don't you think we worry enough as it is? 
Personally, I'm saving this postcard to show him when he gets back.
Cheers my friends!

My Life Under Construction

When I think about it, nearly every form of my life is under construction of some type:
I'm in school and that's educational construction.
Building a garage - CONSTRUCTION
Raising a family - yep, you guessed it - MAJOR construction.
My spine trying to fuse with this cage in it - again construction.
Home repairs - construction again. - Maybe not in the major sense, but there is always something that needs repairing. Be it minor (the sensor light went out in the back yard again) or there is a pipe rusted out in the kitchen. (Thanks to my Dad for fixing that one!)
Today I was hoping for the end to one of the construction projects in my living room. About 2 years ago there was an accidental flood in the upstairs bathroom (when is it ever on purpose?). I tried getting it repaired under the insurance policy but our deductible was more than the cost of the actual repair AND that would have gone against my status as having "0" homeowner claims since 1997. I would hate to ruin a streak! ANYWAY -
I had Neil Kelly come out and take a look and give me an estimate and they were "johnny-on-the-spot" in getting it started. I had a drywall guy out there the same week and it the repair portion was completed before I could blink my eyes. The drywall mud needed to dry overnight before it could be painted. Well the next day before they were going to come out and paint, Sarah came down with a horrible infection and a fever. (She is the fouth of my little group and has never been a conventional kid. Right down to the fact that she is an IVF baby.) I had to call the painter that morning and explain that she was too sick and I couldn't have anyone in the house. He said he was going to be on vacation the next week and asked if the following week would be OK to paint. Fine, just let me go take care of my sick kid!!! I ended up taking Sarah to the ER that day because she was so feverish she was delirious - and not in a good way! She couldn't even hold down the tylenol I used to get her fever down. We went to the ER and they took good care of us and we were out within 3 hours with meds prescribed. YAY!
Well, I've been looking at the repair wondering when (if ever) it would be completed. Today it was about 8:30 in the morning and the doorbell rang and can you believe I had forgotten this was the day? So, here I am at the computer trying to complete my BA131 homework and this guy is knocking at my door!HHRRMMPHH! I'm still in my jammies with no bra on or anything to cover myself for company. "Can you excuse me for a minute?" I ran down and changed and came back up and poured myself a cup of coffee and was making small-talk with the painter because there is no way on this earth that I could manage to concentrate on the access homework and get it completed.
He takes the paint that I have provided and starts to paint the living room wall and then, with a different color and a new roller, on to the ceiling. He's just going to blend it at this point. The paint looks OK going on, but something just isn't right... Mind you - This is the paint that I have provided and I thought that it was the right paint because it looks close (which only count in horse shoes and hand grenades!) Well - Now I need to buy more of the same paint that doesn't match so the painter can paint the whole ceiling.
Do you think the construction in my life will ever be complete? I doubt it. Construction = change, and change is good!

Ordinary Day

There is a reason for this. It is to document where I will be and what I will be doing for the next 10 months.  Pretty much the entire time Mr. Y is in Afghanistan.

Sometimes it seems as though I have been walking through a haze. Have you ever had the dream you were trying to run but your legs were moving as though they were in mud to the thighs? You are trying really hard, but can't move more than a couple of inches, and it took so much effort.

Today I found myself saying I wanted a job. I have learned so much and really feel the need to put it to good use. The problem is that I'm not done learning yet. I still have more to learn and need to do it before I hang up the towel at school.
There is also the part of me that wants a job so I don't have to do homework while my five-year old watches TV (I refuse to leave her outside by herself and am terrified that she will fall into a hole in the backyard.)
Some of my friends (more my acquaintances than anything) have asked why don't your kids watch them? My kids work and they don't have very much free time to themselves, much less for babysitting the Bunny. My Dad spends enough time helping me out and doesn't need the additional time. He's currently the one building the garage. In case you missed it on the main page, my entire back yard is under construction. UGH!

Since this is an ordinary day, there really isn't anything new to say. I did spend 4.5 hours on the chat line with the BA131 instructor trying to learn how to correctly write a mathematical expression in Access and have the query come up correct. There are so many places to make errors that its really easy to make a mistake and not know why your query was not successful. I was able to get what I needed, but I was in tears before it was over and I'm not sure why I was so overwhelmed by it. Does anyone know it? no. I don't usually come right out and say anything like that, but I really felt like I was at my wits end.
Now I'm going to submit the homework I spent so much time on and put the Bunny to bed. I have an interesting story for you for another day. Maybe it will be my post for tomorrow.

For now - Sweet Dreams!