The Clock is Mocking Me

The seconds tick by.
The sound of the clock is deafening
I have not left the computer except to get dinner started and to take care of Sarah.  I realize today this in unhealthy.  I need to do something to take my mind off of the ominous tick of the clock.
I know this is just my rant.
It is not a reflection of anything but war.
This is the way it is supposed to be.
Wives and husbands left behind to wait and wonder the outcome.
We cross off the days on the calendar.
Most of us numb to the outside world.
There is no sense of normalcy.
I find myself tense and irritable.
Waiting again as the seconds ticks by.
I check my cell phone.  It's fully charged.
Open the gmail tab and hit "refresh".  Nothing has changed since the last time I checked.
I write an email to someone and hit send.  The clock appears to have slowed.  I check my phone.  It hasn't slowed, it just feels like it.
"Momma, when is Daddy going to be home?"  I tell her "May".  Because she is 5, she asks me "After this bedtime will it be May?" "No Sarah, May is next year." After this bedtime will it be next year?" "No, we have to get through Thanksgiving and Christmas (which brings a spark of interest to her eyes) and New Years Day first.""Momma, I miss Daddy!" "Me too, but you have me and Grumpy (yes, that's what we call him) and Mimi and Brothers."  This chatter is daily.  The reminder that we all are here for her does not always appease her, but it can change the tone of need in her.
I get up and fill my coffee cup, it was empty and needed more.
I need to walk away from this for a moment.  The emotion of it is overwhelming.
I have looked at the clock at least 10 times in the last hour.  Nothing has changed.  Time has moved, ever so slowly, but it has moved.
I started the dishwasher and have Sarah's clothes laid out.
I start school on Monday and have pared my classes down because I don't think I can take too much more stress, only 10 hours this term.
15 minutes has gone by.  I think the clock is mocking me.
I've been up since 0400.
If the computer wasn't tied like a noose around my neck, I would have been able to accomplish so much.
I feel like Atlas trying to hold up the world.  So heavy, my knees are buckling with the weight of it.  If I could just set it down and rest for a minute.