Stacking Up

When I think about the date Mr. Y. left, I  can start to add up the things he has missed.  I'm not doing this because I want to be mean, but because I want to keep a record for him. Here they are: - Not quite perfect order though...

On July 27, 2010, Sarah had her 5th birthday.  On August 1, 2010, Sarah lost her first tooth.  On September 13, 2010, Sarah started her first day of school at All Saints School.  On September 19, 2010, Chris missed my Dad's 68th birthday.  On September 21, 2010 Sarah lost her second tooth.
There were so many other details.  The concrete was poured on the 14th of September, Back to school night (where the parents get a chance to meet with the teacher) was on the 23rd, and many, many more.
I wouldn't be surprised to have Sarah reading basic books by the time he returns.

I want Mr. Y. to understand that life is all about the details.  These are the most important details of this year besides the fact that he is gone.  It's not just that he has missed these things happening to her, and in her life, but he has missed sharing them with her.  It's not just being there for the event itself, but being part of the memory as well.

Sometimes I think Sarah gets mad at me sometimes because I'm the one here to be mad at.  If Daddy was here, then he would get part of that too.  We, as parents, get to be the ones the emotion is directed at when there is no other place for it to go.  These are the good and the bad emotions.  When Sarah is happy, she shares her happiness with me.  When she is sad, she shares it with me, and when she is mad, she directs it at me because I am (simply) here.

I don't think I understood kids until I was an adult and had them of my own.  The first time I became a parent it was of twin boys.  It was all OJT for me.  No chance to learn it before hand, and since I didn't get a manual at the hospital when they were born, I just learned it as I went.  All of them hard lessons.
I'm so grateful that my children have waited to finish their education before they have children.  Not that I did it the wrong way, I just did it differently.

The details will stack up and become too high and fall down around me.  If I don't keep track, I will never remember what they were and when they happened.  Thank you for letting me share them with you.