Not sure I ever shared this with any of you, but this is the reason I smile. Maybe I should say these are some of the reasons I smile. They are beautiful and smart. They light up the room when they walk in!

Results of the Five-hour Forty-minute Exam.

With Christmas Day over I actually had a few minutes to breathe.  In my quest to breathe a more stressless breath I thought about the exam I took on the 18th of December.  I wondered if I had passed because I hadn't heard, but then again it had only been 8 days since I took the test.  I logged into the AAPC site.  Meagan was sitting a few feet away from me and Sarah was in the living room.  I thought I would pop right out of my skin when I saw the title "CPC-A" next to my name.  I remember the test proctor telling us before the test that we would know when we logged into the site it would say "CPC-A" after our name. The "A" stands for apprentice.  I screamed!  You as a group will never know how happy I was that I passed.  The test was so hard and there were so many different reasons I could have failed:

• The room was icy cold 
• I had not studied very much 
• I was taking care of Sarah by myself 
• My husband was in Afghanistan
• The house is under construction
• I had injured my ankle and was possibly facing surgery

There were so many excuses I was ready to give if I failed.  I didn't need an excuse. I passed.  I need to finish my apprenticeship and get a job. This is the field I wanted more than anything.  Now to finish so I can become gainfully employed and the rest of my life will fall into place.
Thank you so much for being with me during this!
Much Love,
Kathi

Merry Christmas To You

It is the time for Sharing.  A time for peace.  It is a time to be together with family and friends.  The empty place at my table at Christmas dinner is for Mr. Y.  It will be to show that no matter where we are we will be honoring his absence.
It's 0038 and Sarah is asleep.  The stockings are hung and the presents wrapped and there is tranquility in my home.  Marshmallow and Al are sleeping on my bed and Kozmo is asleep on the sofa.  Mimi and Zack are upstairs and home for the night.  I'm finally done for the night and will be able to sleep and not run my butt off for a few days.  The busy chaos will be fun, but it will still be chaotic.
I'll take time to reflect on today when it's over.  My table will be filled with warm conversations.
May you have peace wherever you are.

Rough Week

This has been a rough week for me.  Besides the hectic schedule, there was an extremely painful cortisone shot that made me break out in hives.  It was itchy and hot and extremely uncomfortable.  I was told by the doc to go home and take benedryl.  It didn't help as much as I thought it would.  No more of that for me.
I took my exam yesterday and I have no idea if I passed.  I can only hope.  It was the hardest test I have ever taken.  The room was freezing.  I had a heavy down jacket and a scarf on and was still shivering.  Not the best environment for a national exam.
I bought a video camera for Sarah's Christmas pageant and can't seem to get it to interface with any of the computers.  I expected it wouldn't work with the MAC, but I thought I would be able to get it to work with the regular PC.  I'm going to have to spend some time on it.  Right now I need to make sure the tree is finished, the ornament boxes are put away and the rest of the place is cleaned up.  I also have to finish the Christmas shopping.  I won't tell you how much I spent on shipping to get the things I need by Christmas.  I should have planned ahead. UGH!!!  I guess I should qualify that... I couldn't really shop until we had the money and we didn't have the money until the 15th.  Once payday came I was fighting with a sore foot and spine, studying for a national exam; planning Christmas and every other detail involved with being the responsible person.  The whole thing made me really sad.  I went to Fred Meyer to buy a few things and had the overwhelming desire to sit on the floor in the middle of the aisle and cry.  I was so frustrated by every aspect of my life.  Marissa's boyfriend looked at me last night and said to me, "You know Ms Y one day you won't be able to do all of this and then what will you do?"  I can't tell you how loudly I wanted to scream, at that particular  moment, I didn't want any of this.  A kid needs both parents.  Maybe not together at the same time but still both parents to shoulder the responsibility.  I am overwhelmed.  It's not just Bunny, but her requirements for school; keeping the house clean; doing the laundry; paying the bills and being the babysitter every extra minute of the day.  I could hire out the housekeeping,  but Michael keeps promising that he will clean the house.  I just need help right now and I feel alone.  I need to suck it up and pull up my big girl panties.  I'm not a baby, but I needed to give myself a pep-talk.
I know it will get better.  Just give me a minute to gather my thoughts and clear my head.  I will prevail!

Standing In Line At The Post Office

Yesterday I went to the post office to mail off the packages to Mr. Y. for Christmas.  There were several people in line with their boxes, christmas cards and overnight mail.  I thought of them standing there and wondered if there was anyone there in the same predicament as I am.  Mailing off packages to a loved one over seas.  While the rest of the public is waiting for a package from sisters and brothers here in the states, there are those of us who are sending off little pieces of love to the ones who are in war zones.  There are no guarantees they will receive them before Christmas (or whatever holiday they are celebrating), but we try.
The postal worker recognized me and reminded me (again) about the dating the custom's form.  I always seem to forget.  I dread going to the post office for this.  I don't have a problem with the post office, but I dread the reason I had to go.  It's like facing reality and having my face rubbed in it.  The other part is that I have to face several things at the same time and they are all related to him being gone. Christmas, Anniversary, New Years...
Sarah and I were invited by my folks to go to the beach for our anniversaries.  This too put his absence right in the forefront of my mind.  I try most of the time to not think about it, but when it's right there, I have no choice than to address it directly.  He will never understand the impact his absence has had on all of our lives.
Thanks for sticking with me for this.  It's nice to know you are here.

Pouring A Concrete Floor

It's Another One Of Those Things I Leave for Him!

When Bunny and I woke up this morning the house was FREEZING!!!  I came up the stairs and looked at the thermostat and saw that it said "low bat".  I was congratulating myself on having just purchased and new "economy pack" of said batteries and thinking I was really smart to have purchased them when I did.  I will never say out loud that I actually bought them as replacement batteries for the Wii.  That would be just inflammatory to the thermostat when it was in it's time of mourning.
I took the brand-new batteries out of their adult-proof packaging and took the cover off of the thermostat.  I took the old ones out and quickly replaced them with the new ones.  The message didn't instantly change to "gee I feel better" and the heat didn't turn on to it's programmed usual fuzzy warm temperature.  I was starting to panic.  I was also in the middle of getting Sarah ready for school and there is a certain amount of bustle in the house.
OK - I'll build a fire in the fireplace.  That's a good fix to the daughter that was complaining that it was cold.  OK - where is that lighter that I saw a month or so ago?  Since none of us smoke, matches are sort of an anomaly here in the house.  I knew I had some,  ah - here they are and poof there is a fire to take care of the silly junk mail that seems to increase around the holidays.  Now for the kindling and firewood to keep this going until I can figure out the thermostat.  Oh yeah - I still need to get her ready to go to school and go back to tinkering with the thermostat.
Once the Bunny was dressed and cozily in front of the fireplace with her bowl of Kix, I went back to the thermostat.  I re-read the directions (again) and traded the brand-new batteries for some more brand-new batteries thinking there may be something wrong with the other brand-new batteries.  Nothing. GRRR!
By now, my Dad came to walk the dog and I had him look at it and he can fix most anything, but he was not at his best this morning as he was fasting for a blood test.  That would make anyone out of sorts.  He didn't have any more luck than I did.  It still said "low bat" and I had tried three different pairs of brand-new batteries.  Dad took Bunny to school and I told him I would look on line for a manual to see if there was any trouble shooting I could do or any advice I could get from people who had faced the same dilemma. To my surprise (wink wink) there were several places with more advice than one person could absorb in a morning.
All I had to do was to reverse the polarity of the batteries and this would cause the system to reset.
Bingo - all problems solved.  New batteries in place and with a cup of coffee in hand I went on to reset the weekday and weekend programming of the thermostat.  I set it for reality, not fantasy land.  If I were programming it for fantasy, I would be sleeping till 9 and wouldn't need it to come on before then.  But, since this is the real world, I programmed it for 630 and if Mr. Y. needs to adjust it when he gets home, then the more power to him.
Yes - I can do this, but it's one of those things I would rather leave for him.
Thanks for being here!

This Has Been a Tough Week (And It's Only Monday)

Last week bled over into this week and Bunny was sick.  She stayed home for 2 days with a really bad cold.  Then on Saturday night she was sick in the middle of the night and "vominated" in our bed.  Yuk, but there is nothing in this world that will make you move out of bed faster than a kid that's vomiting.
Vomit doesn't bother me that much.  I can roll with things pretty comfortably.  I just don't multitask very well at 3 am.
Before the end of summer term, the kids and I were taking Bunny for a walk with Kozmo.  My neighbor Alex was with a friend of his and we came up to him, with the dog, and before I was able to warn Alex's friend that Kozmo wasn't friendly, he reached down to pet him and Kozmo didn't even flinch.  He just bit him.   It drew blood and I freaked out.  I couldn't even believe that he had done it.  Alex's friend's hand healed and I knew I had to keep an eye out for unusual behavior.  Could this be the start of something?  Whatever it was, I was uneasy.  I called Chris he told me that there are legal actions that could stop anything from happening (legally speaking) to our family while he's gone.  Nothing ever happened with the county getting involved in that situation, but there was always the possibility.  Well - the reason I'm giving you the background is because Kozmo bit someone else today.  It was my fault and there is no reason to try to excuse it.  Kozmo wanted out into the backyard and I opened the door to let him out and there were men working in our yard.  These particular guys have been working here for the last month helping my dad with the garage.  Kozmo has never had an issue with any of them and I was shocked that Kozmo bit him when Kevin tried to pet him.  Once again, my heart hit rock bottom. This was his second and final chance.  It's over, but Dad wants me to keep the dog until Mr. Y returns.  He thinks it's safer than to have Bunny and I alone.  Kozmo has never shown and aggressive behavior toward any of the family members.  If anything, he has tried to lick us to death.  I have never seen a more loyal dog.  None of this started until after Mr. Y left and I wonder if it has anything to do with him being gone?  I know it sounds strange, but maybe we are needing protection and projecting this thing onto him and he is responding to it.  It's hard to guess what's going on in his little doggie brain.
To top it off, the Bunny's precious blankie was chewed on by Kozmo and he left a hole in the lower corner of the blanket.  She fell asleep with her "back-up blankie" that GrrrrrPa gave her when she was a baby.  It will do when blankie is in the wash, but that's about it.  I'm praying it makes it through the wash.  We are having one specially sewn by the lady that works at the cleaners.  It's going to cost me a couple of hundred dollars, but Sarah picked it out and she asks every day when will it be done.  She promised me before Christmas, but we can only hope.  Only when we get the new one will we retire the one she has been sleeping with since she was born.
Such a heavy heart today.
FYI. - the gables are up and the roof is on,  Concrete floor will be poured on Wednesday at 10 am.
Thank you as always for listening.  I hope you know how much I appreciate you.