Nearly A Month Between Posts These Days

Hi to all!

School schedule and work are keeping me from spending any personal time blogging or doing anything else that I enjoy.  We're kind of stalled on the garage.  My dad is tied up taking care of my mom and there are vacations and all such manner of things.
Spock is growing like a weed.  He's close to 30 pounds now.  He was only 5lbs when we picked him up from OHS.  He's healthy and happy.  His favorite new toy is a frisbee.  Man that dog can run and jump.
Sarah started swim lessons this week.  She's the oldest, the tallest, and the least experienced in the water. I hope she enjoys it.  It's such an important part of growing up!
I gotta finish getting ready for work (which is amazing).
I hope you have a great day!
I love you my friend!

I Keep Telling Myself This is Only Temporary

I'm sure not everyone has the same take on life that I do.
This week has been an absolute blur.
I worked 6.5 hours of overtime last week.  That made it slip by.  This week there will be no overtime because I'm a new employee and you have to be with the company for 6 months to see the benefits of a holiday weekend.
It was good.  I spent the whole Fourth of July weekend in the backyard trying to make it habitable by humans.  It was barely habitable by Spock.  Now I'm not ashamed to invite a friend over for a beer or a bbq.
Spock has really come into his own.  He is taking his place as the protector of Sarah and I.  Tonight he was guarding the backdoor.  He was fierce in his protection of us from some unknown shadow he saw. Do dogs imagine movements?  I know they anticipate them.  Anyone who has ever thrown a ball to a dog knows they can anticipate your every flex of muscle. I don't know what Spock saw but he went berserk barking at it.  As soon as he thought the danger was gone he came downstairs and climbed in bed with Sarah and snuggled up against her.  Love is simple and basic between a girl and her dog.
Glad to still have you here!

Crazy-Busy

So life appears to be a whirl-wind.  I've had at least one hour of overtime every day for the last 2 weeks.  The warmer it gets, the faster the refrigeration units fail if they are limping along.  Then everybody has an emergency because ice cream will melt, strawberries will mold, and flowers will wilt. Such is the life that is mine.
The hubster isn't adjusting to my new schedule as well as I thought he would.  He liked me being at home more and doesn't like the added pressure to his already chaotic schedule.  I'm sure it will be better when....  Don't I always say that though?  This is pretty much the same schedule I was running at FM, but the big difference is OT now.
I deactivated my Facebook account a couple of weeks ago.  Part of me really misses it because I was able to see everyone's pictures and what they were doing.  Now I have to rely on email and the truth is - no one writes to me except my dad.  His stuff is pretty funny though.
10 pm comes early; 5 am also comes early.  There's a long weekend in my future.  I'm hoping for Sunday morning sun to hike the falls.  I know it will be packed, but Sarah's never seen it and I wanted her to hear the legends and see if she can see the princess in the mist.
The Gorge is beautiful this time of year.
Did I tell you that Chris and I are both in school?
Yup - this is a crazy-busy life.

Can you feel the changes forming?

I tell myself that life is in flux all the time.  Nothing is permanent.
I started dancing two weeks ago. Every Saturday.
I was officially accepted to WP.
I started working more OT.
I ran with the dog last night. It wasn't much but it was a start.  Ankle has finally healed.
I'm crabby because I have more expectations of others than they are capable of.
I'm crabby because I don't get enough sleep.
A.D.D. dogs and owners don't always mix.
I'm restless and want more. More what?
Life always has more questions than answers.  Now I just need to find them.
The question is - What do you want?

One Month To The Day

Once again insomnia is my bed partner.
I started a new job and changed colleges, so there are many things that have me uneasy.  These things don't mesh well with sleep.
The job seems to be all-too familiar.  Its nearly the same job I had a few years back, but smaller scale and no psycho cube-neighbor. Nice because I understand what most of what the techs are doing.  As far as entering their time on the job sheets and making sure the right hours get charged to the right job, it's pretty much the same (just different codes and people instead of vendors).  There is also someone there who understands this is where the profitability is; I can ask questions at this job without fear that I will get screamed at by the psycho.  Amazing. Oh and the boss wanted to know if I could start coming in early and staying late (including Saturdays) starting next week.  That didn't take long.  So glad to be in a place where I feel wanted and appreciated.  It's going good.
As far as the reason I changed colleges goes - I was feeling the pressure of wanting to have this completed. I feel kinda like I've played at this degree without enough direction.  I seriously thought about completing it at PSU, but the thought of paying for parking would kill me.  Warner Pacific is nearly the same distance without downtown traffic.  I also don't have anyone to compete with at WP.  My boys (graduating with honors) footsteps are too big to follow in.
Yeah - I know I'm not competing for anything, but I also didn't want to compare my experience with theirs.  They don't have kids and full-time jobs.  That's enough to make you settle for "B's" for grades.  I don't want straight A's.  I just want to complete my degree.  I want to be done.  I want that damn piece of paper to hang on my wall.  I need it for me.  Sure, I could have gone to the degree mill and bought one but what would that have done for me?  NOTHING.  I want to work for it.  I need the sense of accomplishment.
That being said, I'm starting to get sleepy.  Sweet dreams to you.
By the way, It's been a month to the day since my last post.  I haven't forgotten you.
Love you.

The Work Continues

Today started out very much like any other day in the last year.  I had men working on my garage.
The siding is being put up now.  The difference between now and three months ago, is that Mr. Y is home from Afghanistan.  There is no conversation devoted centering around his safety.  That conversation is saved for my nephew Andy and for Zach.  Packages are being created and prayers said for their safe return.
I'm sure you're wondering why Chris isn't working on this.  Well, he is but not as fast as he would like.  We both have college and Bunny and other obligations that are sapping our time as well as our energy.  There is little time left for the garage; barely enough for the regular household chores that seem to just magnify when they aren't done in a timely fashion.
So - the German, the Irishman, and the Russian are in my backyard with their dogs and they are sharing stories as well as creating a few more to share at a later date.
I am very fortunate to have these men in my life.

Back Into The Groove

Chris is finally back at the bureau.  His first week back is modified duty because he hasn't qualified with weapons in over a year.  The child Abuse Team is attending their annual Child Abuse Summit (a multi-agency cooperative presentation) where different agencies talk about new case law, and how technology is effecting the jurisdiction's ability to perform their tasks and the investigation of new and current cases.  It's all very deep, but he does it with grace and maturity.
We are both in school now, and it's taking some getting used to in order to keep the schedule straight.  He has class on Monday night and I'm in class Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  Monday seems to be our frantic day.  Wednesday is the day Sarah has ballet so I just have to leave class half an hour early to take her to class.  Her ballet only meets once per week and mine is twice. It hasn't had any effect that I have noticed.  I seem to be doing fine in that class.  My Word class and Anatomy & Physiology are more difficult.  I'm doing it though.
Things are different in more than one way here at home.  There is the shift of responsibility and who is taking care of what chores.  I remember reading in one of those military magazines that this is very common.  The soldier needs to readjust by falling back into their own roles if they are actively seeking to do so.  Shunning the role is a sign of PTSD.  I have watched for signs and symptoms but have not seen anything so far that would lead me to believe he has any lasting after effects.
There is also the adjustment to Kozmo's passing.  Our beloved dog of ten years was euthanized on March 22, 2011.  He was ill and the vet said it was only going to get worse.  His illness affected his personality and demeanor.  He had bitten both of the girls; thankfully neither of the girls were scarred from the bites.  His loss was difficult for all of us, especially Sarah.  He was there when we brought her home from the hospital and never left her side.  He was her protector and companion, as he was all of ours.  He will truly be missed.
The next adjustment was to filling the void that Kozmo left behind.  Chris and I promised each other from early on in our relationship that if he was in the reserves, we would always have a dog here for protection and companionship.  Finding a dog that would fit into our lifestyle isn't always easy.  I like big dogs.  Chris, on the other hand, likes small dogs.  We wanted something in-between that would be good for car rides and camping.  We also wanted a dog that liked water and swimming.  But above all, we wanted a dog that needed to be saved.  I didn't want to contribute to the ever-growing population of dogs that are just "out there",  I needed to rescue one.  All of our cats are rescues and were saved from sad existences.  One was born in my father's woodpile to a feral mother, and the other was born on a farm to a feral mother.  Both were trapped and "fixed" and brought into our home as kittens.  We wanted to do the same for the dog.  It needed to be a puppy.  What better place to start than the Oregon Humane Society?
On April 15, 2011 I asked my son Billy and his girl friend Meagan and our youngest daughter Sarah to go with me to the OHS because there was a litter of puppies that was transferred there the previous night.  I had seen pictures of the puppies and knew they were all named after the original Star Trek cast.  By the time we arrived at OHS, there were only 2 left.  They looked pathetic.  They were starved and dehydrated.  Both had kennel cough and their skin was dry.  They had also both been neutered the day before.  What a rough start they had indeed. All the more reason for me to take one home and change both of our lives.  His name is Spock.  I took him to the vet three days after we brought him home because the kennel cough was so bad he couldn't stop coughing.  He was given antibiotics and subcutaneous fluids.  The poor guy only weighed 5 pounds and was eight weeks old.  Given his medical state, I was told to bring him back for a follow-up visit in two weeks.  We took him back to the vet after the two weeks had passed and low and behold - he had stopped coughing, gained three pounds and his coat and skin were starting to improve.  It was amazing.  He was now healthy enough to resume his required immunizations.  We did it.  We adopted a puppy and transformed our grief-stricken lives.  Spock hasn't learned to bark at the doorbell yet, but there's time.

Saddest Day of My Life in a Long Time

Now that the hubster is home, the rest of the world can fall spectacularly apart.  And, true to form - it does happen.
Billy and I took Kozmo to the vet last night to have him euthanized. There was nothing that could have been done to save him.  Kozmo bit both of the two people that he has been protecting for the last ten years. First he bit Sarah but didn't draw blood.  It was more like he snapped at her and scared the crap out of her.
With Mimi, he bit and drew blood.  Not a ton, but there was enough that I had to make the hardest decision.
Once Mikey, Billy and I were in the room, the vet injected the pentobarbital.  It took less than two minutes for his heart to stop and to leave this world.  I wanted it to be easier than it was.  Now that it's done, everything reminds me of him and there is still a crapload of dog hair that I need to vacuum.
This is depressing.  Sad and I just want it to be over.

Slowing Down

Now that Mr. Y is at home and is more or less adjusted to Daylight Savings Time, we are starting to adjust to each other and the routine we had when he left.  Maybe I should say that I'm adjusting to him being home.  He, however, is now learning what routine Bunny has; where she needs to be dropped off and picked up; what days she has ballet, and when to order hot lunch for the following weeks.
Life is all about the details isn't it?
I got the cast off yesterday.  Feels good to be able to move the foot and wash it.  It's still really swollen, but I'm able to begin weight bearing now.  I have to retrain it to learn to walk on it. I can't wait to get out of the boot.  I know - I said the same thing about the cast.   :)
I haven't broken out in the moon walk just yet, but sometimes I can feel it twitching in the boot to some unheard tune.
Maybe there will be some dancing in my future....
For now we are adjusting to the routines and the presence of each other.
See you on the 26th for the party!  I promise to post pictures we take!
Take care!

Hanging Paintings and Listening to Stories

Today there will be more than one blog posted.
Right now I'm at my mother-in-law's place while my Dad hangs paintings for her.  She had trouble with the drawers of the file cabinet and he fixed it.
Think back about 12months ago...  My husband was getting ready to deploy to Afghanistan and Abuelita's home was full of boxes because she had just moved into her new house and was beginning her new life in Oregon.  The house only had aisles to walk between the boxes and some of the kitchen was together and some of the bedroom.  Her bed was built, her dresser was placed where she wanted it, and the rest of the house was filled with all of her furniture.  Trying to move a four-bedroom house in the tropics to a two-bedroom house in Oregon was more of a challenge than you might think.  Her whole world existed there. 
Little by little, the boxes were moved and unpacked.  Dad moved some, the landscape boys moved some and the rest were un-boxed and articles unpacked and placed in their new location.  Now the whole house (with the exception of a few boxes of clothing in the garage) are unboxed and it looks like a real family lives here.  It's a warm and inviting house.
While my Dad was hanging pictures, I was listening to the stories of where the painting were purchased or (in some cases) commissioned. I love the ones that are of Puerto Rico.  They remind me of the tropics.  I miss the sun and the warm wind and the humidity.  The way the storms would roll over the island was amazing.  We were at the beach in Isle Verde and we could see the storm coming and within a few minutes - it passed.
With Christopher's return, hanging the pictures will again become his responsibility.  Chris and Sarah will come over during the weekend and he will fix stuff that needs to be fixed, move what needs to be moved, and translate what she needs translated.  It is a comfortable routine for both of them.  I look forward to the return of this routine.

Call From Manas

The phone rang this morning and it was a "morale call" from the hubster.  He is in Manas.  He has been there for less than a day (I think) and he was able to have a beer. This was the first beer in months.  In Manas you can have 2 beers per day.  He just wanted some dinner and sleep.  He told me he hadn't slept in two days because of the travel issues he was having (beer + exhaustion = sleep).  Glad he is on the road.
I received a box from Afghanistan yesterday.  He mailed it about 2 weeks ago.  It just seems funny that I would get a box from Afghanistan and he's already gone from there.  Funny that people can move faster than cargo.
The box contains the wireless router he was using, his cards and letters we (the entire family including others in Police Bureau) had mailed to him.  It's hard to believe how much crap he had accumulated while living in a Connex box in the middle of no where.

Coming home for a few hours before he has to drive right back is tough.  Sarah needs to see her Daddy.  I think that he needs to see her just as much as she needs to see him.  Everyday she is asking when Daddy will be home.  Since she has no understanding about linear time, or spatial awareness, this is a really tough concept for her.  A lot of the questions she asks are "will I see Daddy after this bedtime?", or "After this bedtime is it tomorrow?".  The only way I can answer these questions is to try and put myself into her shoes.  Try to understand it from her point of view.
Sorry - ADD again.
He (when I say he, it just means we) will drive home after he arrives at SeaTac.  Since his flight arrives late in the evening; we have to get his bags and drive back home.  It will be early Sunday morning when we get here.  There is no way that Bunny will let him sleep after he's been gone for so long.  She wants to show him her loose teeth, the ones that she lost, and the new ones that have come in to take it's place (along with so many other things!  That's fine.  They can nap together.  He will drive back to the base either late that night or early in the morning for his debriefing.  But - He's in the local area, and we can drive up or he can drive home for weekends.  The call is in the same time zone.  Skype will work better (faster connections speed) and he can call every night.
Better - Almost.

The long journey home

This is the beginning of Mr. Y's journey home.  Chris is scheduled to leave Kabul today.  Wether or not he does has nothing to do with how much he actually wants to come home.   His journey is full of unknowns. Will he get on the flight he was scheduled for?  We hope so.
Unfortunately I will still be in a cast for his return.  He is scheduled to leave Kabul today, which is tomorrow for him.  From there it's my understanding that he will be going to Germany on xx.  His flight from Frankfurt arrives at Sea-Tac on the xx of March at xxxx.  I will be there - cast be damned.

The Power Of A 15 Minute Call

He called me.  You might not understand what a big deal this is, but trust me.  This is a BIG deal.
He's been gone since July.  There are Army wives whose husbands have longer deployments ahead of them, but it seems like a really long time to me.
He called.  I feel like a weight has been lifted.  It was considered a "Morale Call".  We had 15 minutes free to talk.  At the 13 minute mark there was a taped male voice that said "You have two minutes remaining".  We said our goodbyes. Neither wanting to let go.  He needed to sleep.
We were able to talk for 15 minutes.  I'm OK now.
I go through this every time.  It's almost like a mini-roler-coaster ride.  Here is how it feels to me:
(Picture the ascent up) He calls, reassuring me that it's all OK.  Thus begins the journey up.  I'm OK at the bottom of the hill as we climb.  As we get more distance from the last phone call or e-mail, there is a build of stress.  Finally I'm at the top and not sure I can take another day of not hearing from him and he calls.  Thus begins the descent.  I'm good and I can get through it OK.  Then, after not receiving any communication, we begin the ascent again.  The next communication received is an email and the descent begins again. It's just worry over what we have no control over and fear of worst case scenarios.
Thus goes this ride over and over.
There is an end.  He'll come home.  This will have it's own set of anxieties with it as well.  We'll talk about this in the coming weeks.  There is a dance involved (not like mythical fairies, but like a changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace).  All the wives and husbands do this dance.  I'm not ready yet.
For right now, I'm still on the comfortable ride back down.
I hope I hear from him again soon.

Feeling Tense

I'm not sure I will post this one.  This is just cathartic for me to write.

A couple of days ago (Friday the 25th) the garage door was installed.  I posted the link to the pictures on this site.  On Saturday Dad played musical cars and we took pictures of the cars in the garage to see not only how they looked, but how they fit in the garage together.  I knew this was something Mr. Y wanted to see.  He wanted to know how much room is in the garage for his projects and the cars together.  This itself isn't making me tense.  I'm tense because I sent him the pictures and he hasn't responded with any sort of communication.  There was a suicide bomber that went off 750 meters from where he was a few days ago. He sent us a message that he was fine and not to worry.  That was a few days ago.  I haven't heard from him in three days.
Mr. Y is an officer and has a desk job at ISAF.  He should be safe (for the most part), but he does have to go outside the green-zone to verify with contractors that they are compliant with their contracts.  This can be dangerous. I'd figured if he was at the base he would have seen the link and emailed something about how he doesn't have time to look but thanks for sending them or they look great we'll talk more later or something. Anything.  Nothing is the worst.
I can't even pace because I'm trapped by this stupid ankle and cast.  I know - breathe.

With the clock ticking, I'm getting more anxious by the minute.  Nothing can happen now.  It's too close. (not to say that anyone should have anything happen, ever).  But, the possibilities are frightening.  This is the way it felt when he was first deployed.  Where the routine was anything but normal and I had to try to figure out how to cope with the anxiety I was feeling.  Right now it's oppressing.  Down-right scary.  So much so that I couldn't sleep last night.  I was so freaked out by everything that I just kept making myself more stressed.  It feels like a viscous circle or ball, winding itself up tighter and tighter.   

Right now the clock's set for him to leave Afghanistan in 6 days.  I'll be able to breathe when he's home with us again.

The Garage Door

https://picasaweb.google.com/104010764583230193749/TheGarageDoor?feat=directlink
Click on the above link to see what we have done today!